Chuckles the Angry Wolf’s Tasty Nuggets, Week 2

…. no, no, we survived yet again another Storm Full of Death of the Century.  Though to be fair the current century has been rather short.  All I’m saying is the Bush Weather Machine must only be running on 5 cylinders the last couple years, though it looks like they’ve programmed a 4-storm combo… oh hi, Nuggeteers!  I was just talking to the lovely Queen Rania of Jordan.  Call me, QR.

LSU won the Inaugural (Hi Jeremy!) NCAA D-I Supercup over the Hot Hot Hot St. Fighting Upsets.  Clemson l

ooked like they didn’t wanna play (or thought is a March scrimmage), Tennessee looked bad, apparently Auburn ditched the Spread Eagle in the 3rd & A&M lost… hahahahahahahaha, Silly Aggies.

Last week’s Results (SU/ATS/LOW):

NC St. +11.5 vs. South Carolina, W/L

Wake Forest -12.5 over Baylor, W/W

Virginia +19.5 vs. USC, W/L

Tulsa -14 over UAB, W/W

Mississippi St. -9 over La. Tech, L/L

[TEAM REDACTED] +9 vs. Missouri, L/L

Tennessee +7 vs. UCLA, W/W

Florida -33.5 over Hawai’i, W/W/W

Oregon St. -3 over Stanford, L/L

Clemson -5 over Bama, L/L (Wake TFU, Clemson! Bama’s Back (Again)!

*LSU NL over App St. W/W

Season record

SU:       6-4, .600

ATS:    4-6, .400

LOW:  1-0, 1.000

LSU:   1-0, 1.000 (fer Da Tigahs on da list)

Vanderbilt +9.5 vs. South Carolina- Don’t let the 34-0 score fool you!  USC East played like le caca. Spurrier is goin’ soft in his old age.  In the olden days long forgotten, Spurrier not only would’ve pulled a QB who threw 4 INTs in the 1st half, but he would’ve also exiled him to Elba, imprisoned his relatives & then razed his hometown just to get his point across.  If they play like that this week the ‘Cocks will get handled by the Vandy Dandys.  Vandy is hoping the current wave of Hope & Change sweeping the nation affects them & they run to the SEC East title… No that was not a veiled reference to Obama’s chances in November.    South Carolina 23, Vanderbilt 17

Rice +3 v. Memphis- Rice & Gravy University is a nice ‘dog here at +3.  I have it on authroitty from a radio talk show host that is the sports equivalent of Paul Krugman that Memphis is teh bad.  Well, of course!  Ever since former John Curtis QB, Danny Wimprine left, Memphis has been declining.  Rice will obviously win b/c every one knows Tigers like meat & don’t eat rice.  If Rice were playing Sushi University or Fricassé St. or Jambalaya Tech, it’d be all over for them though.   Rice 38, Memphis 31

Southern Miss +18 vs. Auburn- The Spread Eagle has landed!  Lee Harvey quickly switched back to the 3 yds. & a cloud of ice tea offense after Auburn’s OMG-It’s-Futuristic-Superduper-Spread offense sputtered like Lou Holtz trying to work an iPod.  85 yds. passing but Big Brain Andrew Hatch is the quarterback issue!  Cue Barners gettin’ skeerrrrrrrrrred.  This week the Spread Eagle faces the Golden Eagles who are going to call themselves the Coastmen this week to rub it in to Auburn that they have 198 nicknames for themselves.  War Hat(iesburg).  Work with me here, people.   Auburn 27, Southern Miss 13

Boston College -7 over Georgia Tech- Probably will be this week’s “ WTF was I thinking pick? ” on Monday.   I don’t why, I just like Boston College usually.  They’re innocuous, non-threatening & after getting rid of Manny Ramirez, you can love ‘em again.  What sprot are we talking about?  So Paul Revere doesn’t play for them still then?  And they’re not really named after Anthemic Rock band, Boston?  Bummer.  Such a shame, b/c if you were down today…  they’d lift you up & take you awa-a-a-a-aaay!  get down tonight! Smokin’!   Boston College 30, Georgia Tech 21

Miami (Fla.) +21.5 vs. Florida- I just can’t do it!  Tebow or no Tebow.  Harvin or no Harvin.  It’s too much of a paradigm shift for me to be able to give the 3 TDs to Florida.  I just can’t do it.  And don’t confuse me with this logic thing.  I don’t care if the current

swoon at Da U makes them more like the Miami Tropical Depressions rather than the Hurricanes.  Ummmmmm, do tropical depressions take tropical anti-depressants?  Or do they take like mid-latitude maritime anti-depressants?  Hahahahaha climate joke… Shut up, Richard.    Florida 38, Miami (Fla.) 27

Nebraska -26 vs. San Jose St.- Woo!!! Go Big Red!  Who knew chewing gum had a football team??  Bo Pelini bringing back the sexy to the blackshirts of Nebraska’s defense.  And by sexy I mean the glistening, taut muscles of a gladiator as he decapitates you with an axe.  Sexy!  Is the only reason San Diego St. gets to keep the Aztecs nickname moniker b/c all the Aztecs are dead & can’t complain?  Good thing, b/c they’d've cut your heart out.  Or given you a hideously ugly SUV.  Or station wagon.  Or Lego car.  The Aztec… WTF is it?!   Nebraska 45, San Jose St. 14

Florida Atlantic -13 over UAB- Seems like UAB might be the team I’m going to pick on for a while as an underdog that can’t cover.  If Georgia Pacific makes toilet paper & other paper products, pray tell, what does Florida Atlantic make??  At least Florida Atlantic has the right ocean in the name!  Correct geography in the name … Florida Atlantic haz it.    Florida Atlantic 35, UAB 17

West Virginia -9 over East Carolina- Despite Lou Holthsth’s best attempts to make wearing dentures cool again, his lil’ sonny boy’s Beamer Ballesque victory over Beamer Ball themselves will not help them against the D1ckrodless Mountaineers.  The Western Virgingers don’t have Slaton or Darius Reynaud anymore but they still have Pat White who actually threw for a bunchteen of yards last week & they have Noel Devine to replace Slaton.  And Noel Devine’s name could be interpreted has Holy Christmas.  Besides Western Virginia Democrats think Obama’s a Muslim.  Then again, they also are still a little leery about this electricity thing & don’t even get them started on that Godless invention, running water.  What does that have to do with this game?  Absolutely nothing which is why it’s a perfect reference for Teh Nuggets.    West Virginia 34, East Carolina 24

Texas A&M -3 over New Mexico- Hahahahahahaha here little, Aggie Aggie.  I’ll throw you a bone & pick (on) you this week, Seriously, brah.  Arkansas St.?  I mean comes on, yo, they don’t even have McFadden anymore! Hahahahahahaha The Curse of Franchione has begun.  Teh Svck.  A&M have it last week.   Texas A&M 35, New Mexico 21

UConn -7 over Temple- Holy Moses, Temple put up like double digit pts. in a win over Army last week.  Like 3 or 4 times eve.  Holy Moses. Temple. Get it?  Last time Holy Moses beat an army, Charlton Heston made a movie out of it.  But alas , NRA ubermachoman has passed on to the hunting ground on the other side… Holy Moses, meet your Roman Empire- UConn.  Although ironically Connecticut is a tiny state in comparison to the Roman Empire but it is where the Worldwide Leader in  Indoctrisportstainment is headquartered.   Although ESPNABC just signed a 12 jabazillion dollar contract with the SEC, which of course means they immediately star thating every other school other than your own.  Just like the old contract.  PS, Stuart Scott’s lazy eye creeps me out.  UConn bet on that…   UConn 33, Temple 20

(non-record game)

LSU -24 over Troy- Postpwn3d.  Get it?   Hurricane Gustav 14, LSU pwned, Troy pwned. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, these bits seem weak this week… Teh Flow (off the top of my head) just ain’t there yet this season.  But much like the spread offense, my jokes take time to gel & come up with overhyped hoopla.